Mirror

Little known fact, I hate the mirror. The mirror is the one place I try no to look at for too long simply because I start to pick apart the person who is in it. At my age you would think I would be passed the insecurity phase but when you are single, have two kids, no prospects of a boyfriend let alone husband in sight and you work in a field where all the younger girls are ripe for the picking you tend to feel less than attractive. I have gained weight and I not complaining, I could go to the gym but I am sick of seeing thin girls walk around in skimpy outfits making it look effortless when all I want to do is have a sundae with extra hot fudge and whipped cream. I thought about plastic surgery but found better use fpr them money than having a procedure that would have to be repeated in ten years.

So for those of you in my shoes how do you become comfortable in your own skin? How do you maneuver your way through the gym and "dig deep" to say screw the skinny girl bouncing on the treadmill next to you? It's strange because I have never cared about what people thought of me or my body. I relished becoming 30 because I came to a point where I accomplished a lot than I thought I would. I love food and I find dieting to be anti everything I stand for. I used to like running but then I asked myself "why am I doing this?" and then stopped. I am not going to blame media or what public image deems beautiful because apparently I never fit that mold from early on so I found my own inner beauty.

Lately it seems that every time I look into it I see that my nose is a little big, my chin is askew, my middle is trying to take over and my butt, well we will leave that one alone, have all decided to join the anti Sam party. I see my friends have found this inner strength but they are all the married ones or the one in committed relationships. The others just find the gym a natural place to be. Am I missing something, have I blocked something traumatic that caused this feeling or is it natural at this age to start questioning are you attractive?

I know I am babbling just confused.