Breathe

I tell myself I know what I want and in all reality I don't. I sell myself short and settle out of fear that I can't do better. I can tell myself a million times that I don't deserve to be treated this way and do nothing to change it. I hate having someone tell me they love me and are glad to have me but actions prove otherwise. Don't tell me it is you and I forever if forever is but a brief moment. My heart is never returned in the way I gave it, each time a bit more is chipped away.I look in the mirror to see someone else looking back at me. She looks older, sadder just at the point where you are begining to say whats the use. I want to cry, scream and just let it all out but to whom do you do that to when know on is there. I feel the tears coming but I can't let them out. I say I want closure and I am starting to think that it doesn't exist. Who do I turn to know when all have walked away? Where do I go if nothing feels like home. I tell myself just be patient when I least expect it that's when it will happen. I am beginging to doubt that. I want to just say I accpet that fact that some people never find that person and that I should continue to be happy with the life I have now. I am grateful for what I do have but I long for to feel what true love is. I want to feel the embrace of another, that kiss that sends your senses tingling. I want to know what it is to have someone make a compromise for me. I want to know what it is to have someone say I gave it from here you can let go now. So until that day I will be strong and I will hold on. I will do all the things I have continued to do and just ask God to help me go a bit further. To be the best that I can be at home, at work, at school and everything else. At the end of the day I need to just breathe.