There was a time when I wanted to feel apprecitated. I wanted that the people in my life would take notice of the things I did for them. After a while you give up on that because you realize that people for the most part are selfish and will never really take the time out to notice that despite how they treat you, you are always there for them. It would hurt me that they never took an opportunity to say "thank you" or " that mean a lot to me". One would think that I would change who I am and be selfish but no. I learned that I get satisfaction not from their acknowledgement but because I know that at the end of the day I love them and I want them to be happy. Who am I to hold a grudge or let bitterness take over my life.

I have a friend that I speak to every once in a while. We have a story behind our friendship and for the most part no one understands why I entertain him. The fact is that I made a promise to him a long time ago that I would always be there. He may not be the greatest friend or the most considerate but if I can be the one person he can count on then it will be okay. We all need that one person that will be there for us when no one else is around. We all need that one person that believes in us when no one else does. I am not saying that I am that person. I know that in his life he has people all around him but it never hurts to have one more.

To make a long story short I know that we want people to be grateful for the fact that we care so much. Part of caring for them is understanding that sometimes we have a thankless job. Our job is not to remind them that we are there but just be present when those moments arise that they need us.

What is a girl to do

When it comes to our love lives we all want the story that we can pass down. We want the story that allows people to feel every emotion you are feeling. What happens when you get the begining but somewhere along the line it disapppears. What do you when promises are broken and at the end of the day you are left wondering what happened. You have the memories of what once was and in view traces of what could have been. You think back and you wonder where did it all go wrong. At what point did you stop listening to each other and ignore the signs of what was about to happen. You are kept up with nights in which you wonder did I do all that could. Some days you tell yourself you did and others you feel less confident.

You decide that you want to try to make it work but you find that it is only one putting forth the effort. You make excuses as to why it is only you but at the end of the day you are running out. Each day you tell yourself I am going to be happy and I am just going to let go but towards the end you want that feeling back. Today you look in the mirror and say I am going to move on and start fresh. A month into starting fresh you get a text from him. The next three times you tell yourself you are going to move on he does the same thing. You think maybe it is a sign and that maybe the story isn't over. Over the course of two days things going back to being bleak. You tell yourself that you deserve better. Whether you believe it or not is a different story. You tell yourself that no matter what you have to move forward.

Everyone has a life that they have to live. If one aspect of it is not working you should take the time to concentrate on the things that are going well. Don't worry about the things that you can not control because when you least expect them to it will change. I am not perfect but then again who is. There is no point in holding on to something in which I am going to end up letting life pass me by. All we can do is love the people in our lives and hope the best for them.

Sticking to it. - Samantha Ruiz's MySpace Blog | Disclosure: These are my thoughts and feelings if you can't handle what you read please feel free to exit out of my page.

Sticking to it. - Samantha Ruiz's MySpace Blog Disclosure: These are my thoughts and feelings if you can't handle what you read please feel free to exit out of my page.: "Part of being in a relationship is trusting and faith in God. We may not know what he works the way that he does but sometimes it is not for us to understand. A relationship take work and time invested to make it work. It is easy to love someone in the good times the true test comes when you hit those moments that test you. That is when you realize just how much faith that you really have place in God. The people that we love are going to go through things that we may not understand. Those things may test our limits but it is during that time you find out what you are made out of. Sometimes God puts us in these places because he wants us to turn to him. He wants us to see that we can't do everything ourselves and we have to include him. I know that during the last two weeks I have had to turn to him to better understand what the person I loved was going through. I also had to learn the difference between a healthy love and one that wasn't. I realized that the person I wanted to share my life with was very important to me and that I was willing to stick by him. It is always easier to give it. People will give you reasons why you should walk away but that is where the true test lies. If everytime something hard came my way and I ran away from it how was I know how strong I really was. It is always easy to say how you would handle a situtation but until you are in it you have no clue. I can say that at this point I am learning what it is to be a good girlfriend. I am learning that there is more to a relationship that just the good times. It is the times that test you that bring you closer together. They are the times that make you appreciate what you have."

Samantha Ruiz's MySpace Blog | Disclosure: These are my thoughts and feelings if you can't handle what you read please feel free to exit out of my page.

Samantha Ruiz's MySpace Blog Disclosure: These are my thoughts and feelings if you can't handle what you read please feel free to exit out of my page.: "Me
I am who I am.
I am not going to change that because it may not be what someone wants. The qualities I have make me unique. I don't have to be loud to get my point across. So what if I don't have a big butt or breast out to there. I love the fact that I have curly hair. I can't be worried about the people who don't love me or think I am special because I have people who do know what I am worth and appreciate me. I am quiet and reserved because I am not busy trying to fight the world. I love to read because last time I checked I didn't want to be stupid. I am not going to stop wanting things out of life because a person may not be ready. I share my heart and love because the world is already messed up as it is. People have become lovers of themselves and I am not going to follow in that trend. I want that at the end of the day, when I look in the mirror I am not ashamed of what I see. God made me the way I am for a reason. I could be a lot worse things in life but I am thankful that I am not. My heart is big my soul is quiet. I am not looking for riches, fancy cars or a big house. I want a comfortable life with lots of love and laughter. People measure success by different means that is how I measure it."

I am crying

I am crying again. Do you see it? do You even care? I asked you why do you do the things you do and I get no response. I ask you to talk to me and I all I get is silence. You try to make me feel better and say I did all I can do. That is not me, it's you. I am crying again. I am writing you letters that I will never send. Each one say almost the same things just different variations. I want to get on a plane but how will I be received if at all. The last time I saw you, you told me I seemed boring. You weren't sure if you would be missing out on something else. I am in my room under the covers just wanting for some release. I am crying wondering why can I never get it right. I thought we were happy and on the road to bliss. From the outside it looks like a fairytale but when we are home it's different. No one sees when you ignore me or the nights when you reject me. People like you because you are charming but they never see the person I see. I love you but I have to love me more. I am not that same girl asking myself "is he really speaking to me?" I am a princess I deserve better but you can't see that. You don't see that I love you or that I am committed to you. All you see is how your life is going and I am just an accessory. I am crying again this time I am happy. I removed you from my life and though it is hard it is not impossible. The same way you don't think about me I am not going to think about you.

Breathe

I tell myself I know what I want and in all reality I don't. I sell myself short and settle out of fear that I can't do better. I can tell myself a million times that I don't deserve to be treated this way and do nothing to change it. I hate having someone tell me they love me and are glad to have me but actions prove otherwise. Don't tell me it is you and I forever if forever is but a brief moment. My heart is never returned in the way I gave it, each time a bit more is chipped away.I look in the mirror to see someone else looking back at me. She looks older, sadder just at the point where you are begining to say whats the use. I want to cry, scream and just let it all out but to whom do you do that to when know on is there. I feel the tears coming but I can't let them out. I say I want closure and I am starting to think that it doesn't exist. Who do I turn to know when all have walked away? Where do I go if nothing feels like home. I tell myself just be patient when I least expect it that's when it will happen. I am beginging to doubt that. I want to just say I accpet that fact that some people never find that person and that I should continue to be happy with the life I have now. I am grateful for what I do have but I long for to feel what true love is. I want to feel the embrace of another, that kiss that sends your senses tingling. I want to know what it is to have someone make a compromise for me. I want to know what it is to have someone say I gave it from here you can let go now. So until that day I will be strong and I will hold on. I will do all the things I have continued to do and just ask God to help me go a bit further. To be the best that I can be at home, at work, at school and everything else. At the end of the day I need to just breathe.