My Favorite Quote

I am sure if you have gone to Barnes and Noble you see the magnets with the quotes. Well one in particular caught my eye. It reads,
Happiness is a journey not a destination
for a long time it seemed to me that
life was about to begin- real life.
But there was always some obstacle
in the way. something to be gotten
through first, some unfinished
business, time still to be served
a debt to be paid. at last it dawned
on me that these obstacles were my life.
this perspective has helped me
to see there is no was to happiness.
happiness is the way. so treasure every moment
you have and remember that time waits for no one."
-Souza

I have had this quote sitting on the fridge and it was last night that I actually took the time to see what he actually meant. Life is too short to waste it on things that are of no importance. There are so many things going on right now that we much take the time out to enjoy life. I know that I get so wrapped up with work that those close to me suffer. So I decided that I am going to make a list of things that I want to do. I am in NYC for the next two years and so far everything I set out to do I have only barely scratched the surface. My list consist of the following.

Have a picnic in Central park with the boys.
Take the boys to Ellis Island
Go to Chicago and make peace with someone
Go to the observation deck at the empire state building.
Go see the Ballet
Visit every museum in manhattan
Watch a broadway show
Run through central park
Go to France this summer
Go to Portugal
Go to Vegas
See one of his art shows before I leave the city

There are more things I will add to the list as they come along but as I accomplish each one I will write about the experience. I want to be able to say to pass on great memories to my children. So tonight I am going to be the Ballet to see Sleeping beauty. I just bought my ticket I am extremely excited.

Silly goose

Ever had those moments that you just wish that you had just kept your mouth shut? That instead of saying anything you just walked away and went on like everything was fine. My best amigo told me the other night sometimes you have to cut people off with out an explanation. That would work if I weren't such a romantic sap. I honestly believed that sometimes love works out in your favor but it doesn't. You end up being that girl that no one wants to be. She is the one crying because she did it again. She fell for someone who was never going to see her in that light. Instead of backing out when she had that first inkling she kept going. She honestly thought that after all this time it had to be something special that kept them so close. The truth is it was all in her head. You can't stage love and hope that the person sees you the same way. Maybe love doesn't exist anymore. Let me not say that it does. You know that love is real that moment you have that first kiss. The moment you hold hands for the first time. You know that it's real when you still get nervous right before you pick them up to go out. you just have to see that if you are the one putting to much into it then it isn't real.

You just have to wait be patient, don't look for it. Don't persue it. You have to let it happen. When it does happen you will know that it is right. If you are following someone and trying to get them to see you through different eyes ask yourself are they doing the same. Are they putting in just as much effort. If the answer is no then just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, wipe the tears from your eyes and just keep moving forward.

Don't put to much into it

You and this guy start hanging out. You have known each other for a while and there may have been a moment when you had feelings for each other. Flash forward to present day. You have both lived different lives and are on track living the life you wanted for yourself. In the course of the time you came back into contact you guys share a couple of moments being physically close (not having sex). You are not sure where you stand or if this is just him being a guy or if there is something more going on. The logical thing after the first time it happens is to see if it will happen again. You don't want to spark a conversation over something that may have been a fluke. It happens the second time and you stay quiet. You are debating on "should I or shouldn't I). It doesn't help that the other person contributes any information.

So you get tired of waiting and wondering what it is that the other person is thinking. You start to think that maybe you are putting to much thought into anything that happens i.e kissing. You sit back and then it hits you. STOP PUTTING TO MUCH INTO IT!!!! This is a matter better left alone. If you persue it or try to talk about it you are just going to get your feelings hurt. If the person felt any sort of way or even remotely cared enough not to take it any further so not to hurt you he would have said something by now. With so much that is going on in this world I wouldn't waste what time I have persuing someone who is not persuing you. What every reasons you have come up in your head why you stick around think about it does it go both ways. If your answer is I don't know or just plain no, you need to evaluate what you are allowing in your life. Remember it is your life, even if people say "aww why don't you two get back together?" I can guarentee that when they are talking to him they are not saying the same thing.

So many women get caught up by this routine only to find themselves more hurt than what they started. To avoid feeling like an idiot at the end of the day do one of two things. You can A) leave him alone; B) make it clear you are just friends or C) go along for the ride and use the gym to release all the hurt, anger and frustration you are going to feel afterward. Lets face reality a bit that love story we thought we were going to have may not happen. You may meet the man of your dreams buying coffee at starbucks or even at target while buying dinner plates but it won't like a movie. Don't get me wrong it does happen and I am extrememly happy for anyone who has that. Cherish that person and don't take them for granted. Please don't think that I am anti-love because I am not. I am that romantic who just wants her own love story just wish that all the toads would get out the way so I can meet my prince.

My final thought is that if you are that person wondering what the deal just stop thinking about it. If something is going to happen it will happen on its own without you having to try. If you are the other person no matter what your reasons are put yourself in the others shoes. You know what kind of person she is and if you don't want to hurt then do anything that will cause confusion. Yes we get caught up in the moment but when it's two people that have a history together it is key to make sure you aren't heading to a dead end.

At night

Last night I thought about you. I realized that subconsciencely I have been waiting for you to call. I have been waiting for you to reach out like you always do. I guess this time you took me seriously. If I had the chance to be face to face with you, what would I say? I would tell you that I love you. That no one before you and after you could have the same impact on my heart. I try not to think about you because I don't want that feeling of longing for you. Nights are spent trying not to dream of you. It is pointless because you seem to drift into them. There are times when it seems that I feel you close by. I close my eyes and there you are kissing me, holding me in the way that only you can. I look at your side of the bed and I miss you being there.
I think back to the night before you left and in my mind it is all so vivid that night you kissed me like never before. You held me in your arms and whispered in to my ear. You watched me as I slept and traced the curves of my face with your finger. I awoke and asked you what was wrong and you say you want to remember me this way until you see me again. We are sitting at the airport and I am crying because I want to get on that plane with you. I didn't want to let go of your hand. I try to fill that space that is not there. I know that our story has come to a close and that our time has passed. Will we ever see each other who knows, but if that day comes I will smile and be happy with whatever course you took in life.