Patience

I have been a serial dater all my life. I have either had a boyfriend or I have dated people for months at a time. Then not only do I date I go out with guys who couldn't tell you what they wanted out of life. It's like I give myself a way out so I have a reason to say that the relationship didn't work. The problem with that is there are instances that I do find myself caring for the person only to have them not feel the same way for me.

Today I was having a conversation with someone and the more I kept talking to them I was noticing that in all honesty I myself don't know what I want anymore. For the longest time I wanted a husband and to have kids but the people I have been in relationships weren't at the place or to be blunt didn't see me as potential wife material. After a while you just give up and start questioning yourself. You start asking yourself what is wrong with you that you seem to be striking out.

I have heard the whole wait and be patient and the problem is that I am not patient at all. I keep thinking that if I just sit by it won't happen. I read this book "When God Writes Your Love Story" By The Ludy's they are a christian couple who wrote this book. There is a passage that states "Being faithful starts before you meet your mate." It made me feel a little convicted. I have been making changing in my life over the past two years and to be honest I have been feeling that they were for nothing. I started doubting that God has a husband for me and that I am destined to be single. That is not the case, I am learning that there is much that I have to learn and until I am in that place I need to be God won't allow it to happen. His word says that as long as your desires are in accordance with his word he would grant them to you. I have to learn to be patient; everything is in His timing not my own. I have to learn to be selective with who I give my heart to. If I keep giving pieces away I am not going to have anything left to give for the one who is meant for me. I need to stop dating, flirting or just having inappropriate conversations because for all I know something is going to get back to the wrong person. I rather avoid having to do damage control. I have to stop being so trusting. People these days are just obsessed with sex and themselves. I need to be comfortable in my own skin and stop being what I think people want me to be. If someone doesn't want to date me because of my beliefs, status, or any other reason they don't deserve me. I have to not only know my worth but believe that I am worth loving. I have to stop speaking negative things into my life. If I keep saying no one is going to want me because I have two kids then guess what? No one is going to want me. I have to stop selling myself short and seeing people for who they are and not what they have the potential to be. I have to let go of the past and wanting to go back to what is familiar. If it was meant to be it would not have been so east to let go.

Most importantly I have to stop putting limitations on my God and trust Him. He has a plan for me. He didn't pull me out of that dismal life that I was living to leave me high and drive. I know that I am at my breakthrough and I know that things are going to seem dim and bleak but I need to hold on. Now more than ever I need to trust in God and stop looking at what is around me. Right now things seem bleak and they seem like nothing is going in my favor but I serve a great and mighty God. To Him all things are possible. People want nothing more than to see me fall but I am not going to give them that satisfaction. This weekend I really thought I was going to cave in and resort back to the old me. Up until a few hours ago I was ready to turn my back on God but like I said he is always in control. He has shown me that he is not going to let me walk away this easily.

When you feel like giving up Praise Him. When you feel life everything is going down the drain; get on your knees and cry out to him. When you feel alone and that his not listening to you that is when he is closest to you. You may think I am crazy but it's true. I have seen Him work and make things happen. I just need to be patient and stop doubting him.